Before becoming a blogger I read lots of blogs and online magazines, my love for them is what initially lead me to become a blogger. But sometimes reading blogs can be a blessing and a curse…some inspire and encourage you, then others write about their perfect lives that you start to second guess yourself and what you are doing in your own life…especially for the special needs parent.
When I became a SAHM, I read LOTS of blogs and how wonderful it was to be at home with your children. And don’t get me wrong, it’s been a sacrifice but also a blessing to be home with my children! But with that blessing comes a hidden anxiety due to having a special needs child.
Emma is special needs and as much as I don’t really like saying that, it is what it is…it’s my reality! So while I read post about the SAHM mom’s that live in the big houses, and make the beautiful lunches directly from the food pyramid, and take the kids to the park daily…this is far from my reality!
My reality is preschool 4 days and week and afterwards going to therapy. We have therapy one day in Cleveland and the next day in Akron! I’m constantly emailing doctors, talking to therapist, staying on top of things going on at school with the team of teachers that Emma has, realizing in one therapy that I haven’t had an update from one of the school therapist all year…the list goes on…
In November we had a mix up with the speech therapist…the therapist at school gave us a great report for Emma and her speech and the things that she can do. I gave the report to the outside therapist and apparently struck a nerve with him…when I started talking to him about the report, he all but cursed me out…yes, Im not lying to you. I remained calm (although I wanted to go up to the center and have a face to face talk with him, with my husband…but since she has other therapy there I left it alone) I just knew that it was confirmation that she needed a new therapist! This thought was already in the back of my mind but this gave me the go ahead! I talked to her school therapist and she was very understanding and gave me referrals for different places (this went on for about 2-3 weeks of trying to find someone that took our insurance and could get us in at the right time). We finally found a new therapist…and let me tell you she is such a blessing! Not only to me but to our school therapist as well! She communicates with us on a regular basis making sure that we all are on the same page and explaining in detail what she sees and is learning from Emma! So now Emma has two great speech therapist…and the work is showing, her speech is getting better daily! She surprises us on a regular basis with new words.
This is my reality…and these are things I deal with on a daily basis!
And along with the things I deal with on a daily basis is anxiety…Im always worried the therapist is going to give me some bad news or that they say they have found something else that we need to worry about or pay extra attention to.
Emma has had continuous progression this school year and this year in general. But from day to day I struggle with feeling like we are on the right path to tears because there is always MORE to work on on fit into the daily schedule. On a daily we have school and therapy a couple times of week. And I constantly carry around the feelings of needing to do more!
I know I need to take it one day at a time, but its hard trying to stay on top of EVERYTHING and not lose yourself in the process!
