Well I think this week can go down in HISTORY as one of the hardest weeks of my life!
I debated all week if I was going to write about it or just keep everything to myself! But then I thought, well you never know who you can help by writing…
So Here Goes…
On Thanksgiving we fried our turkey! I noticed when the grease was heating up that the smell would almost make me sick! And after it cooled off I was fine…
Then my parents came over and they wanted to fry their turkey also so the same thing happened. My mom looked at me and said are you sure that you arent pregnant. I said honestly I dont know…
So the weekend went on and I noticed weird things and feeling tired…finally Saturday I decided to take a test. And it was positive!!
I was still in the bathroom screaming for Darrick to come here so I could tell him! We were SUPER EXCITED…we were trying to get pregnant! So Monday after I made an appointment with my doctor to see how far along I am and all that jazz…
At this time I knew I was SUPER early because of my irregular cycle and stuff. So we scheduled an ultrasound and they said basically that I was SUPER early like I thought so it was hard to tell me a due date.
I talked to my doctor and she had me go back to the following week for the same thing, bloodwork and an ultrasound…after this one they still didnt see a sac. My hormone levels showed I was pregnant but everything wasnt adding up because my levels were still low and they were having a hard time finding the sac. And my levels were supposed to have doubled by now. Once those results were put online it said “threatened miscarriage”I FREAKED! I called my doctor and she said it was a medical term they used…Blah Blah Blah….
Fast forward to Monday I woke up and I was spotting…I was told to keep an eye on it and if it got worse come in to emergency.
Tuesday…full on cycle and severe cramps! (I knew what was happening but didn’t want to admit it…)
They ran test, did a pelvic exam, checked my cervix, did an ultrasound…the doctor came in and said those dreadful words…
“You are in the process of a Miscarriage….”
I guess I was in shock because I just sat there and starred at him…
I didn’t cry at all after the news I actually didn’t cry until the next day…I guess part of me was trying to be strong because I felt like I prepared myself for this because of what was going on with them finding the sac and everything. But really I just wasn’t dealing with it…
I tried to continue on with my daily activities until everything hit me HARD yesterday! Darrick and I stayed home, Emma went with her Uncle and we had a chance to process our feelings. I cried and he held me…and he had a chance to express his feelings…
This is by far one of the hardest things we have dealt with! I thought since I was so early that if it happened I would be okay but you don’t realize how attached you become to your baby so early on! And even as I sit here and process everything…I still just cant believe it…we were so excited and now its just gone!
So now we work on the healing process…I know God doesnt make mistakes and although its hard to understand things sometimes in due time I will understand…
Keep us in your Prayers…
